wakey wakey hands off snakey
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
