What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
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