Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
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Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
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I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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