Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Randomize