My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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