Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
