Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Randomize
