watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
