it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
