Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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