Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
