Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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