When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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