I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
