dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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