My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
