Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
