eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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