I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
