I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
