I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Randomize
