shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My life is pants optional.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
