at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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