dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
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