Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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