your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
