I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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