Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
