Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
