I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Randomize
