I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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