His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
