i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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