I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
