Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
