This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i out mim tonsoeep
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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