Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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