Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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