Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize