we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
she smelled like a LAN party
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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