Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
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