He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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