My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
25 Of The Most Cringeworthy Internet Stalking Fails
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂