Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
19 People Who Had An Inappropriate Celebrity Encounter
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
21 Awkward Ways People Found Out Their Partner Was Into Outrageous Sex Acts
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit