i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!