i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
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I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
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I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!