my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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