True but thats because hes a fetus.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
