the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
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