I want to stick my p in your. b.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
