All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
