When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
