Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
