You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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