There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
