Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
Randomize
