i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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