I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
