Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
