you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize