I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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