he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Randomize
