Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize