It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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