dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again