its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.