you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment