Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
