Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize
